Meet Scott, Our Wonderful Coffee Dork:
Hi. Me again.
Scott. Scott’s the name. No quiz later, I just wanted to remind you.
If you’ve read me before, you know that in the world of Quality Coffee, I’m technically what’s called a “Dork.” Yvette of Klekolo World Coffee took pity on me and sent salvation in a little box. In the weeks since, I’ve become a single-cup Brewin’ Fool (also a technical term).
Facing the Beans
The path to enlightenment was not without potholes. I stared at those lovely bags of beans for a long time. It was intimidating, being entrusted to transform them into hot coffee goodness.
Mercifully, there were instructions. But I get… well, let’s say anal-retentive when intimidated. Overly literal.
I had the important info:
- ¼ cup beans to 8 oz. water
- ⅓ cup beans to 16 oz. water
But no one said how much to grind!
I’ve got a nice little Black & Decker grinder — a proper Man-Kitchen power tool. Honestly, I think it could reduce matter to atoms. First, I had to clean out coriander dust with a vinegar rinse. Three times. Anal, I’m telling you. Only then could a bean touch the bowl.
Discovering the Grind
If you press and hold, you get powder in 30 seconds. Baby-powder fine. Didn’t seem right.
So I asked. The answer? Sand-like. Granular, but not too granular.
I hit upon the secret: pulsing. Done right, the beans break evenly. Stop at the right time, and there’s no dust caked at the bottom. Bonus — kind of self-cleaning.
My perfect grind goes into the brew cone. Mmmm… craftsmanship.
Brewing Rituals and Canadian Truths
Water is boiling. I know from my travels through GoodCoffeeLand that it should be not quite boiling for best results.
But hey, I’m me. Anal-retentive.
So I prepped a 2-cup Pyrex measuring cup. Checked that my chosen vessel takes 16 oz. Filled it with hot tap water to pre-warm. When I want hot coffee, hot is the operative word.
Cream and sugar? Of course. I’m Canadian …
.” I’m a follower of the Winston Wolf school of thought, lotsa cream lotsa sugar, so after warming, in goes the half-and-half and two level teaspoons of sugar. Sue me if you wish, but I am Canadian and this it the land of the Timmies double-double (yes, this is code in Canada-speak).
Let’s pause for a moment, shall we?
Okay, I feel better now.
When the water boils, I dispense 16 oz. into the measuring cup. Then comes the stressful part.
The Bloom Panic
Then came the stressful part:
“Barely wet the grounds. Let sit one to two minutes. Barely wet again. You’ll see them bloom. Then pour the rest of the water and let it drip.”
One minute or two? No way. They must mean one moment or two.
Bloom? BLOOM? Like flowers?
I tried my best. Poured a little. Swirled. More than barely. Maybe way more. I was sure I botched it.
Yvette is going to take all my coffee back and the one cup I make is going to taste like rancid dishwater, because of my incompetence. Maxwell House is really all I deserve. Poorly made Maxwell House.
From Doubt to Coffee Bliss
I braced myself for rancid dishwater. Poorly made Maxwell House…
But then I tasted it.
Clouds parted (even though it was sunny). Angels sang (despite being harpists). My taste buds danced (though, yes, still attached to my tongue).
This was a kick-ass cup of coffee. Way kick-ass. Mondo kick-ass.
The anxiety subsided. I relaxed. Sat back. Felt new hair sprouting on my chest. Suave. Sophisticated. Everything I thought a barista savant might be.
Until the cup was empty.
So I made another. Two-for-two. Holy moly — I rock this coffee thing. And if I can do it… there’s hope for all.
Drinking: Mexican Chiapas
Listening: Rose Coloured Glasses – Blue Rodeo
Editor’s Note: This guest post was first published in 2012. It’s been lightly edited for readability and formatting, but Scott’s original voice and story remain unchanged.
My favorite single brew is black satin…it is worth the wait for single brew. This post is entertaining!
Haha you had me laughing before Coffee.
No wonder she took pity on you. Cream and Sugar omg just ruin the Cafe Mam why don’t you.
Cafe Mam is the most earthy essence of pleasure on ones tongue. I Love the Mam!
I predict by the time you have made it through your coffee journey you will like it black or with barely a dash of cream.
I thought people from Canada drank tea.
I thought people from the U.S. made sweeping generalizations about people from other countries. Oh wait.. (Shush, I’m TEASING!!!) Future blogs: My views on Cafe Mam, The Elitism of Blackness, and how Canada is more immersed in coffee in some ways than the U.S. Or not. I have a short attention span.